It's been an odd month already. I spent a wonderful three days in Tampa with my most adorable Hannah last weekend (and her Mommy and Daddy) and Benjamin got me all hooked up with MyFace...er, Facebook, which I think might be kinda cool. I promise to post some terrific pictures of my trip and my baby Hannah in a much happier post tomorrow. And I promise to get excited about Facebook. But not now.
Right now, I'm feeling pretty much like my poor dashboard hula girl (photo above). She was a perky addition to my daily drive, wobbling at just the right moments and reminding me of our Hawaiian adventures even while I was stuck in traffic. But I guess the Florida sun was too much for her--we left the car parked in one of Tampa's mall parking lots for just a couple hours. When we returned, the glue that held her together had completely melted. One gentle turn out of our parking space and she sagged to starboard--another turn and she slipped sadly to the floor, trailing her grass skirt and wobbly spring behind her. Poor thing, I know just how she feels...
You see, I've had to do battle with the dreaded AT&T Customer No-service Department no less than TWO times in the past month. TWO TIMES. This is enough to drive anybody to drink and since I don't drink, it's been enough to drive me stark raving nuts. The thesis couldn't do it but AT&T certainly did.
It all started...well, let me back up. My pathological hatred of AT&T dates back many years and covers more altercations than I can cover in a single blog post. This most current round began innocently enough. About five inches of nonstop rain last month resulted in the need for my septic tank to be pumped. (Don't get me started on septic tanks or this huge house I own that has become the quintessential white elephant/albatross around my neck). Anyway, the tank needed pumping. To do this, the septic tank guys had to bring a small backhoe into my yard. The procedure went smoothly enough until they came across my phone line which some AT&T moron had laid right across the top of the tank. This isn't the first time normal maintenance of my home has resulted in a cut phone line. They laid the phone line about 3 inches under the soil right along the back of the house when it was built. Just after I moved in, a friend tried to rototill the ground around the foundation in the back yard so I could plant some flowers and the rototiller cut the line. THAT experience left me without phone service for days and the AT&T morons who came to fix it, completely tore up the brand new sod in my front yard. But I digress.
SO--after the great septic tank debacle, I had no phone, no internet, and was, of course $400 poorer for the whole septic tank repair thing. TWELVE calls to AT&T later, using my Verizon cell phone, I finally managed to get a real person on the line. For the first eleven calls I was only able to reach a recording--some sickeningly cheery woman's voice that continuously chirped, "I'll just ask you a few questions so that we can determine what is wrong with your phone" and then the line would go dead. The first few calls I managed to get past that question without losing it. Along about call number 5, I found myself screaming into the receiver, "I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY F*&^ING PHONE, THE F*&^ING PHONE LINE IS CUT!!!" Anyway, after twelve calls, I managed to reach what I assume was a real person. This one had all the personality of a tree stump, but miracle of miracles, I was only without phone service for about 24 hours. By the time I got home from work the next day, the phone line was fixed.
But they weren't finished with me yet. Did I mention I have a Verizon cell phone now? That's the only reason I was able to call AT&T from my house--I previously had AT&T cell phone service and was only able to get a signal at my house if I stood in my bathtub and stuck my face through the window blinds. But that's a whole 'nother story. Suffice it to say that I changed cell phone providers last December to Verizon and have been blissfully happy ever since.
Until I tried to pay my final AT&T cell phone bill. I have always paid it online so I went online the day we came home with our Verizon phones and tried to pay the final bill. I was locked out of my online account. The message said that online services were only available to current customers. So I called AT&T to find out what I owed. They told me it was over $200. This is more than twice my normal bill, so I asked for an itemized bill to be sent to me. They said sure. Two weeks later, I get a single sheet bill with nothing but the total amount due, plus a few dollars because now it's late. I call again. Please send me a full itemized bill. Sure, no problem. Two weeks later, another single sheet. I call again. Can't you just allow me access to the online version, I ask? No, can't do that, but we will send you a full itemized bill. This time, I'm smart enough to at least write down the name of the idiot I spoke to. Almost a month passes. I get home from Tampa to a message on my answering machine. AT&T has sent me to a collection agency. After a most unpleasant conversation with the collection agent that concluded with him hanging up on me, (I confess, I was NOT nice on the phone) I call the collection agency a second time. This time I'm given to a supervisor who tells me quite frankly that AT&T will probably never send me a full bill but it would be best if I dealt with AT&T directly because there's nothing much they can do for me.
TWO AT&T customer disservice supervisors later, I still have no online access to my account, no full itemized bill, and no assurances that they will ever send one. By now, you've probably been reading long enough for Jimmy Buffet's "The Asshole Song" to begin playing. I apologize for that, since this is a G-rated blog, but I felt the song was just too perfect to pass up. It's my Ode to AT&T.
So yeah, I suppose I should be all excited about MyFace or SpaceFace or whatever the heck Benjamin signed me up for, but to be honest, I'm still too ticked off. Those of you who read this blog AND participate in Facebook, feel free to post your comments about your Customer Disservice experiences on my wall. In the meantime, I guess I should just be grateful that my toilets flush. Too bad I can't flush AT&T down my toilet...but ya know, that would SO be worth another $400 septic tank repair...
6 comments:
My heart goes out to you! We have some very similar problems with AT&T. We switched to them because Verizon was $400 per month with all the talking Sheldon does, and for the same minuets AT&T was half that, smart right? Imagine our surprise when we got our first bill of $900!!! Let's say that some R-rated things came out of my mouth, and they herd every word. We eventually got it fixed but it took us months.
Oh ma, what a pain in the arse!! Send them the money with a copy of the lyrics to this song, it's perfect!
OMIGOSH, Julie--how AWFUL! I think AT&T actively seeks out ways to piss off their customers. I'm so glad you did get it straightened out, tho--sheesh!
My phone company turned me into a newt!
Ok, no that didn't happen. However, in the process of moving from Idaho, Cableone was the company we did cable through. We had their HD-DVR box along with all the extras that go with that. All of their commercials say they guarantee same day service if you call on time. I did, telling them they needed to pick up their equipment. Naturally, the day I'm supposed to move, they screw up and don't show up. They don't show up the day after I had already left to pick it up. Then I get a bill of over $500 instead of the $40 or so we actually owed. Luckily however, I didn't have to call, they seemed to figure out the mistake. In the words of the mob guy on "Johnny Dangerously"...."You lousy corksuckers. I'll take my foot, and I'll shove it up your arse, you fargin' bastages!"
We just left Earthlink because their customer service has gone way downhill (after 12+ years with them). Living in a large metropolitan area, AT&T and Verizon have split up the area into zones and we fall into the AT&T zone. So far, so good. Paul didn't get the warm fuzzy when the AT&T guy that worked on our house said, "yeah, Verizon's doing it right."
Luckily, we don't have septic tanks - I sure don't miss those days down in the desert!
Whew, I'm out of breath just reading your post and imagining myself with those problems. Whew again!
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